I thought I was happy, I thought I was just fine with the world, I thought I would live and stay like this forever. I loved how I was back then, I loved how I spent my days, who I used to talk with, I just loved my life, before this. I've never thought of changing, never thought of the future, never thought of what was going to happen. I was a fool, a real one. I can never forgive myself for that. Hearts that I've broken back then was lesser than now. I was becoming a monster, as I realize. I don't know, I was confused, I was questioning myself, over and over again, wishing I could find the answer that I've been craving. But no, I didn't, I found suffer instead, It was a real torture, I swear it was. I just can't get over the fact that I've lost someone who meant the world to me, my bestfriend, yes, she used to be. Till today, I can't forgive myself for doing that, really. It was all my fault, it was me who made her feel like this, who made her to make the decision to just stay as a friend, not too much. I guess, I deserved it. 

I was flooded with problems, my mind were full with thoughts that has never been spoke. Sorrow and regrets was taking over me. He came back with the most gorgeous looking, words, and he was begging for a second chance, and how I was so sad, to see myself denying my own feelings. I know, I should have just forget him. People were judging, endlessly. I was tired, tired of everything. Tired of telling her, that we can still be friends, tired of denying my feelings to him, tired of listening and reading all the negative thoughts people had for me. I wish I could pause the world and just live alone. I wish I could disappear, I wish I could die. Nobody was there for me, I was all alone. Standing for what's right, all alone. How in the world, I said to me. Repeating the sentence over and over again. I've learned so much, but I've suffered too much.